I have been with Yvonne to the 2nd day of the Adoption Prep Class and while I felt anger at the first one, I will explain in a minute why, this one I found myself quite tearful.
The first class was on Thursday (25/02/10) and I surprised myself by feeling angry at one point during the session. We were doing a case study looking at the life of some kids that are atypical of the kinds of things that adopted kids have to deal with. I was reading the words and felt that the fact that for lots of reasons and sometimes no reason at all, parents actually say they don’t want to look after the child. They have a child and just decide that they don’t want them. Yve and I have been together and have despite medical intervention been unable to conceive naturally and so we have been left feeling bereft of that joy of having our own kids. As I said I actually felt quite angry that those that can on some occasions don’t even want them and us that can’t would bite yer arm off to have one, where is the justice in that eh!?
So anyways onto today. Today was billed from the outset as going to be the heaviest day of the Prep Classes, so that put us all in a good mood straight away, not. Turns out it was as we were dealing with or talking about, quite frankly and in detail about the forms and impacts of abuse in all its forms does have and can have on kids.
As we were sitting at one point and talking it through as a group and sharing some feedback from the trainers on some of the situations that they have come across, I was actually welling up, I felt really sorry for these kids, past, present and future that have been subjected to any form of abuse. We were told at the beginning also that if we wanted to take some time out that we could as it is not easy to talk about and if we felt we needed a moment to compose ourselves then we could take that time no questions asked, I nearly took them at their word.
I am beginning to understand how much of an emotional journey this is going to be for me, some of it like the anger and resentment towards those that have decided to give up their child and the ones that have permitted or intentionally harmed these kids. On the flipside is my own personal feeling of grief and bereavement that if only they had been born into my family I could have saved them from all that they have suffered.
I guess the real thing to remember is that Yve and I are in a way saving them from it. The authorities have seen fit for their sake to remove them from the terrible situation that they were in and we are going to ensure they NEVER face anything like that ever again. One life at a time…
Yours crying as he finishes off….Father Abbott