Day Three…

Well I was tired, still am. This was less hectic and tiring than day 2 which was quite heavy in terms of the content and so today there was a slight apprehension as to what to expect, but today was quite a bit lighter and we even finished early which was a bonus. Not hugely early just a half hour or so, but nevertheless early it was.

We have been getting on well with the other 7 couples on this course and today we passed on each others contact details and it is hoped that many of us will keep in touch with each other as we all progress through our adoption process.   It is interesting for Yve and I as friends of ours in Paisley who did the Adoption Prep Class in Paisley at the same time as us have just had an Adoption hearing that confirmed they are legally adopting a young boy.   It is exciting as we have walked with them through the process which has been about 2 and half years from the time of going on the Prep Class.  It gives Yve and I some frame of reference as to what we can expect, not that our situation will be the same as our friends as all circumstances are very different.

There are a couple of folks there who are alredy fostering and working through that, the 2 couples have been doing that for some years and it has been helpful to have them as part of the group as they provide an invaluable insight that we as ‘not in the system’ are not aware of.

I do feel very different doing this course than I did the previous course in Paisley, not really sure why, perhaps there is more of a focus from us this time than previous, not sure, will work that one through.

We have only one more day of this course left and that is Saturday, that is not the end of it though there are some other day courses and time at a local family centre all of which is part of the process and then there is the fun and games of the P.A.R. which constitutes the Home study report which is very extensive and will form the basis of how and indeed who Yve and I can eventually go on to adopt.


It has been a long and difficult day at work not making it easy for tomorrow as we have day 3 of Prep Class. Server has died and the very next day I the IT Manager am not in to deal with it. Can’t help but think that my mind will be in the office thinking about server rebuilding.

The days have been good just long and can be quite draining at times. Still chin up, soldier on, and all that, eh? On the home straight tomorrow and Sat then that’s them done for a while, till the next training day/home study onslaught.

I’ll let you know how I get on tomorrow, first day was anger, second was tears, third…..

Website is born…

Well almost the website was already in existence just not on the net…

For about that last 6 months or more I have been working locally on the laptop with EasyPHP and Joomla trying to get a new/revised website up for our Church Wellspring CGC.  Working out the whole Joomla installation, with Templates and other widgets and plugins etc.  Every so often I have worked on the system, and lately felt I had something which was ready to go live.

So for the last few months in my most recent attempts I have been working on the incredibly frustrating elements of how to transfer the MYSQL database and all the files as well.  With no luck and that was with following directions…

Tonight I cracked it.  The first step was getting the database to be uploaded from local to ISP host site.  Several attempts and finally clicked that the exported file when you look into it was trying to create another database, and I don’t have the permission to create a DB from within the MYSQL.  It was already there and ready for the content.

Edited the file with some luck and some intuition, the DB was imported succesfully.

Next simply transfer all the files from the local EasyPHP side on the laptop to the Host via FileZilla, 5000+ files and 3 Fajitas later all the files were up there…

Initially the page would not load as there was no contact with the database, which was where my main headache getting the site up there in the first place.  Bit more tweaking of a couple of files… very nervously since I had deleted the previous site from the server.

Eventually I did it and the new Wellspring CGC site is live and online

I know it is not necessarily to do with Adoption, but in a way all the pain and anguish over this and I commented when it was done that I felt like I had given birth.  Which before anyone comments is completely nothing like it I know, but the time spent on this and the tension as we tried to get it to work,  is where the parallel is drawn.


I have been with Yvonne to the 2nd day of the Adoption Prep Class and while I felt anger at the first one, I will explain in a minute why, this one I found myself quite tearful.

The first class was on Thursday (25/02/10) and I surprised myself by feeling angry at one point during the session.  We were doing a case study looking at the life of some kids that are atypical of the kinds of things that adopted kids have to deal with.  I was reading the words and felt that the fact that for lots of reasons and sometimes no reason at all, parents actually say they don’t want to look after the child.  They have a child and just decide that they don’t want them.  Yve and I have been together and have despite medical intervention been unable to conceive naturally and so we have been left feeling bereft of that joy of having our own kids.  As I said I actually felt quite angry that those that can on some occasions don’t even want them and us that can’t would bite yer arm off to have one, where is the justice in that eh!?

So anyways onto today.  Today was billed from the outset as going to be the heaviest day of the Prep Classes, so that put us all in a good mood straight away, not.  Turns out it was as we were dealing with or talking about, quite frankly and in detail about the forms and impacts of abuse in all its forms does have and can have on kids.

As we were sitting at one point and talking it through as a group and sharing some feedback from the trainers on some of the situations that they have come across, I was actually welling up, I felt really sorry for these kids, past, present and future that have been subjected to any form of abuse.  We were told at the beginning also that if we wanted to take some time out that we could as it is not easy to talk about and if we felt we needed a moment to compose ourselves then we could take that time no questions asked, I nearly took them at their word.

I am beginning to understand how much of an emotional journey this is going to be for me, some of it like the anger and resentment towards those that have decided to give up their child and the ones that have permitted or intentionally harmed these kids.  On the flipside is my own personal feeling of grief and bereavement that if only they had been born into my family I could have saved them from all that they have suffered.

I guess the real thing to remember is that Yve and I are in a way saving them from it.  The authorities have seen fit for their sake to remove them from the terrible situation that they were in and we are going to ensure they NEVER face anything like that ever again.  One life at a time…

Yours crying as he finishes off….

Father Abbott

Hello world!

Not really sure how this will go I am supposed to be doing a reflective journal type of thing as we are entering into the Adoption Process once more.

So I hope that I will be writing and blogging about my personal journey on this rather scary and bumpy road that is adoption.
Join me and let’s take the journey together.